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I haven’t just written to write for a while. By that I mean I’m usually trying to journal things that have occurred in our family. I decided to just write today just because I can.
First of all, we received one of the most special packages we’ve ever received on Saturday. It was from the Huish family and inside were two gifts for our Sadie bug. These were things that once belonged to their sweet Sadie- a sweet Valentine bear with her name stitched on it and a silver spoon she was given as a baby gift. I cried. First I cried angry tears that Zac and Tiff even had to think about sending these gifts. I shouldn’t know them. Our lives should not be so interconnected. However, I am so grateful to know them. It does me no good to to be angry. So then I cried tears of sheer gratitude and humility. These gifts are so precious. We intend to have Sadie Adams know exactly why she was given her name. Thank you Huish family for blessing our lives and impacting us so deeply. Thank you for remembering our little Sadie in such a monumental way.
A few weeks ago, another 22nd came around. The 22nd of Sept. is the day Maray passed away and any grieving individual knows how horrifying “dates” can be. I have done my fair share of fighting with the calendar and struggling with anticipation as each and every 22nd approaches. However, last month, I forgot about the 22nd until half way through the day. Granted, I did not forget my daughter died, I even dressed my girls in their Mara shirts. I just forgot that it was the 22nd. One would think that this is a good sign and it probably really is. However, my mommy heart would not let me do anything but feel guilty. Maybe this is somehow pointing to the fact that I remember Mara daily, hourly, nearly every minute really- but I’m starting to let go of the pain that’s associated with each 22nd of the month. Or maybe it’s just a sign that I have a newborn baby, don’t sleep that much at night and I’ve been distracted. Whatever the case we got through the day with much help from friends who never seem to forget, even if I’ve allowed myself to.
Speaking of forgetting, I forgot my sister’s birthday. Allison turned 20 and I didn’t even call to acknowledge her. For that matter, last Feb. I forgot my sister Michelle’s birthday. I even talked to her on the phone that day and didn’t say a word. Nothing. Nice. Last year I could blame my forgetfulness on grief. This year I’m still claiming the grief but I’m adding post-partum paranoia in there too. So to any friends or family who I have forgotten please forgive me and know that each morning when I rise, I already have 2 strikes against me!
I’ll post more pictures soon.
Category(s): Update
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It’s been a few weeks since this special day occurred but I haven’t had a chance to write about it until now. I guess Im busy with a newborn or something. Go figure. Anyway, our little Sadie had her baby blessing on January 3rd. My friend pointed out to me that it was also sweet Sadie Huish’s birthday. We didn’t plan it that way, it just worked out to be that way. It was also my little sister Kim’s 24th birthday. Many good things happen on Janurary 3. Bryan gave her a beautiful blessing. He took his time and remembered all that he wanted to say. We were surrounded by many family and friends. We could feel Mara there and it was a wonderful feeling.
Sweet little Sadie in mom and Mara’s blessing dress. Sadie was blessed in a beautiful blanket made by Grandma Doris. All of my kids have been blessed in blankets made by her.
I debated what to have Sadie wear and started to look for a little white dress. Then I thought of the dress that Mara wore. It was the same dress I was blessed in as a baby and my mother kept it for me to hand down to my kids. Well, Mara wore it too and I have wondered who to pass it along to. I purchased other dresses for Natalie and Katrina to use. After much deliberation I decided that it would be appropriate and beautiful for Sadie to use the dress too. Now she can pass it on to her children if she wishes and she’ll be able to have a significant, tangible connection with Mara.
a family shot
with Grandma and Grandpa Adams and Grandma and Grandpa Bair
- Mara in the same dress at her baby blessing- April 2002
Notice the same Grammy D style blanket in the background.
Category(s): Update
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visiting the cemetary on Christmas Eve. Sadie's 1st trip to "see Mara"
Christmas Eve proved to be one of the most difficult days I’ve had since Mara’s passing. Last year the kids had gifts from Mara to open, and we had several loved ones write memories for her stocking. This year nothing felt quite right. We were greatfule for friends who remembered Mara in many ways. Setting out gifts for the other kids and not for her proved to be very painful. Thankfully, Christmas day felt much better and we were truly able to enjoy each other. Bryan may have saved the day when I realized he’d bought a pair of cute patterned tights (that reminded him of Mara) and put them in her stocking.
The kiddos in the Christmas Eve jammies.
Sadie meets her cousin Jillian (just 1 week younger). They immediately link arms.
Sadie Mae with Doris Mae Rundle- one of the women she is named after
Great Grandma Bair with the babies
Natalie celebrates 6 with cousins and a pinata
It was very surreal to watch Natalie turn 6- the same age Mara was on her last earthly birthday. How can this really be possible? It is beautiful to watch our healthy 6-year-old and see what “normal” feels like through her. She carries many of Mara’s traits with her as well as some that are all-Natalie. What a blessing of hope and healing she is to us!
- its official
Category(s): Update
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Well, we have a new little girl. Sadie Mae Adams was born at 10:47am today (Dec 14th). She was 7 lbs 2 oz and 18.5 inches long. Both mom and baby are doing well and resting now.
We decided to name her Sadie after Sadie Huish. You’ve probably read about her on previous posts. Her website is sadiehuish.blogspot.com. Sadie is a beautiful girl from a wonderful family. She suffered from the same cancer as Mara and we had the privilege of meeting her a few times. Even Mara had the chance to meet her. We always felt a special connection with her and her family as she reminded us so much of Mara. When we attended her funeral (Heather was about 4 months pregnant at the time), we knew that if we were having another little girl she should be named Sadie.
Her middle name is from Doris Mae Rundle – or Grammy D. She’s our adopted grandmother (yes, both Heather and I have the same grandparents… long story…) and a wonderful woman. The Rundles have been a big influence on our family.
A couple of quick photos and I’m sure Heather will be posting more later. Heather did amazing as usual. All of you mothers are amazing! I can’t believe what you go through to bring us into the world!
Category(s): Update
